Calgon, Take Me Away!

I'm not sure if this is due to Rebekah's age or if this is a reflection of my parenting, but today has been the most challenging day as a parent for me. So much so that I opted to stay home with Darrin from choir practice tonight to help him with the kids. We have actually noticed Rebekah testing the boundaries more lately, but today takes the cake.

Now, the first incidence wasn't a test of boundaries, but what a way to start off our day! Rebekah was sweetly lying on the couch watching TV when I walked out of the kitchen and headed toward the bathroom to find her holding her scissors snipping away at her hair. Yes, she cut her hair! And quite a bit. At least it was all pretty much underneath, so it's not terribly noticeable, but it just doesn't look quite as full. She has one really short spot toward the top of her head that I'm constantly trying to cover up with other hair, but since it's curly it wants to stick out. She also has one small section that looks more like really long bangs, but again, it doesn't look terrible. I just won't be able to do bows much for a while I don't think unless I come up with a clever way of hiding the shorter hair.

The rest of the day has been extremely challenging in the way of discipline. Rebekah has always sought to challenge me in areas, such as getting in her car seat, obeying the first time, coming when called, getting dressed, etc. Priveleges have been taken away, spankings have been given for defiance, and lots of discussion about sin and the effects of it have taken place as well. Rebekah clearly can explain that what she does wrong is sin. However, she shows no remorse for her sin many times. I do not believe in making her apologize if she is not truly sorry, but I want to train her heart as well and I desire that she have a soft heart to do what is right and please the Lord. I also don't want to punish her for not being sorry because she doesn't need to learn to give an automatic response for something that she is not truly sorry about. Instead, I want her to have a moldable heart and to see her sin as something that grieves the Lord, that Christ died for her sin, and that we also should have the same attitude toward our own sin. It has been a very difficult lesson to teach.

This afternoon I went into Rebekah's room to find Joshua screaming and extremely upset. He was waving his arms through the toys having been very irritated. Rebekah was upset that Joshua was in her room, and she told me she spanked him. It took a good while to get both kids settled down, and they both even ended up in the biggest physical fight they had ever had. They were both playing tug-of-war over the toys and trying to hit one another. I was in the midst breaking a fight between my two children! I did separate them, and even at this moment some of this is a blur. There was one time I just carried Joshua around wishing I had an extra adult to deal with one child while I handled the other. It was that bad! Rebekah even got violent with me in defiance. She also locked both Joshua and me out of her room and pushed the door as hard as she could trying to keep me from opening it once I got it unlocked. At this point I knew I needed to do something drastic. Once I got the two children calmed down I put Joshua to the table to munch on a small snack until I could deal with Rebekah then serve lunch.

I pulled Rebekah up in my lap and we discussed what all had taken place in her room. She had recently built a house of Legos with her Daddy and Joshua had come in and destroyed it. She was understandably upset and spanked Joshua out of anger. Joshua got mad and was flailing his arms screaming when I entered the room. We had a good talk about it, what she should have done, and how she should handle these types of situations. I even told her about times when I was a little girl and would boss my sister around and treat her like I was her mother. However, I still had to deal with her own misbehaviors and her defiance toward me as well.

But this was not the end of the day. Rebekah did want some quiet time, and although she did not apologize for her actions I gave her time to herself while she sorted things out. She later apologized to me and to Joshua. Joshua was not very trusting of Rebekah and did not respond well to her, but he was afraid she was going to hurt him again.

Once Rebekah decided what kind of sandwich she wanted we had another test. She was unhappy with the crust - too dry maybe??? So, I pulled the crust off. Wailing...I WANT THE CRUST!!! I was not about to give her another sandwich. She could eat what was before her. Before I had realized it she had pushed her lunch back toward the middle of the table spilling milk on her plate and making part of her sandwich soggy. She would not eat it. So I wrapped it up and put it in the fridge. Off she went to her room to sort things out again. She finally returned later to apologize and eat her lunch. I did, however, replace the soggy bread. Maybe I shouldn't have, but I did.

Things were quiet for a while, although later Rebekah tried to take a toy from Joshua while he was playing with it. It was not even a toy she plays with! Rebekah also constantly locked her door so that Joshua could not enter. However, she would not always unlock it for me when I knocked. This became very old, and I finally had Darrin turn the doorknob around so the lock is on the outside. Rebekah did not like this one bit.

We had a few more problems this evening as well. She grabbed her Disney Princess plate and would not let me put her taco on it. So, I got another plate and then she wanted me to move the taco onto her princess plate. She got upset when I wouldn't, so off she went to her room while we ate. She never ate her supper.

We also had a talk about her behavior at preschool as well. Tuesday she was constantly challenging her teacher, and a note was sent home. We had talked about it that afternoon, but I needed to reiterate things to her today. She did not act like she was sorry, and she even told me she didn't know if she was going to obey Ms. Amy tomorrow. While we were talking she mocked me and talked very disrespectfully. I even warned her that she would not go to preschool tomorrow if she talked like that again. Guess what happened? She is not going to preschool.

We did get Rebekah to bed earlier tonight, around 8:15-8:30, so I am hoping that this will help as well. We have suspected that she may not be getting enough sleep. However, that does not excuse her defiant behavior. Her dance/gym class is also on probation tomorrow afternoon. If she continues to act this way tomorrow she will not go. I have a few things to drop off at the preschool in the morning, so Rebekah will go with me and see her teacher and friends, but then she will go back home with me as well. I am praying and hoping she will apologize to Ms. Amy in the morning.

Please pray for me. I don't know if I am handling this all correctly. I really want Rebekah to have a soft heart for the Lord, and right now she just seems so hardened at times, although she is soft to learning the truth of God's Word. She is very moldable, but she is very strong-willed. Darrin is reading The Strong-Willed Child by Dr. James Dobson. We have learned many principles from Tedd and Paul Tripp, authors of Shepherding a Child's Heart and The Case for Kids, as well. Have a New Kid by Friday by Kevin Leman has also been recommended, and I've heard good things about it. I want to be a godly parent, and I love Rebekah so very much and desire for the Lord to work in her heart and to give her a heart for Him.